INJURY OF THE DAY

Nurse Long's Diagnosis:

Battered Brain

Caused by collisions between the cranium and solid objects, excessive alcohol consumption, or both. The sufferer experiences blurred vision, loss of balance and reduced control of own feet. Can be cured by drinking 2 pints of vinegar twice a day and the application of salt, or with a late-night kebab.

INJURY OF THE DAY

Nurse Long's Diagnosis:

Spondulating Heart

More commonly caused by listening to too many power ballads. Causes excessive soppiness and crying in the presence of puppies. May lead to becoming a new man, avoid at all costs. Recommended course of action; kicking a wall while shouting while listening to Motorhead.

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