INJURY OF THE DAY

Nurse Long's Diagnosis:

Crumpled Beard

An unsightly, though not serious condition. Can lead to low-self-esteem. Seek a specialist barber for treatment.

INJURY OF THE DAY

Nurse Long's Diagnosis:

Spondulating Heart

More commonly caused by listening to too many power ballads. Causes excessive soppiness and crying in the presence of puppies. May lead to becoming a new man, avoid at all costs. Recommended course of action; kicking a wall while shouting while listening to Motorhead.

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