INJURY OF THE DAY

Nurse Long's Diagnosis:

Grumpy Guts

Caused by high speed belly landings, particularly when colliding with a truck or bus after just having looked really cool. The damaged guts can cause grumbling, moaning and antisocial bellyaching and should be treated as quickly as possible to avoid social degradation. Treatment involves wearing amusing hats, listening to birdsong and watching sunsets until the grumpy guts relent.

INJURY OF THE DAY

Nurse Long's Diagnosis:

Spondulating Heart

More commonly caused by listening to too many power ballads. Causes excessive soppiness and crying in the presence of puppies. May lead to becoming a new man, avoid at all costs. Recommended course of action; kicking a wall while shouting while listening to Motorhead.

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